Christmas Cookies - Wallpaper Picture

    Christmas Cookies - Wallpaper Picture

    Beginning with Thanksgiving, Americans go on an unadulterated food binge that does not end until new year's resolutions are written in stone and hopeless mouth breathers pick the latest trendy diet while pledging to "Get Healthy!" We have it on good authority (Kim Kardashian's twitter) that this year's HAWT new diet is to only eat egg whites, wheat bread, paprika, and pomegranate juice, and then sleep face down. I know it works, Khloe lost 8 lbs in 3 days! According to the Department of Health* these trendy diets last an average of 26 minutes before its back to the 3 B's for the majority of Americans (Beer, Butter, and Bacon).

    Many Americans pretend to lament this season. There is no reason for this. Everyone is all bundled up in their winter clothes (lumpy Christmas sweaters!) and spending time with family. There is absolutely no reason to look good for your family. No matter what you look like, your mother will find something wrong. Why let her dig for a character flaw/hit you where it might hurt when it is much easier to trick her into grabbing love handles and shaking her head with disdain? Plumping up before and during family gatherings is the recommended course. It sets the bar low, setting up the perfect comeback story of how a "weight issue" was overcome. America loves the comeback.

    his might be the greatest cookie disseminating invention of all time. Its when a group of people get together and simply trade cookies. They each make a few dozen of their specialty treat, and then meet together to trade their homogeneous dozens to create a super combo of dozens of different cookies. They each leave with the Captain Planet of cookies. The difficulty is getting an invite to these powdery affairs. This is where the girls come in again. If you are hitched to one, chances are there are cookies in your future. If not, infiltrate these circles via the friend route noted above. Then try this line, "my mom makes absolutely the best _______ in the world! you have to try them" when you hear of a possible exchange on the horizon. Then, after you score the invite, head to the grocery store and buy some ready made stuff. Be sure to take them out of the plastic container and put them on one of your plates before you show up. Bring lots of empty tupperware.

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Christmas Cookies - Wallpaper Picture

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